I haven't blogged about fridays little excursion to velindre, don't quite know why as i certainly had alot to say about it afterwards. So here goes. 2.45 pm and lorna is due to make her first visit to velindre following the conclusion of her treatment. Obviously i was a wreck as far as nerves adn emotions go, i had no idea what my visit was go to entail so was concocting allsorts of horrible notions of examinations and proceedues that may insue, (i have a highly over active imagenation so it is a good idea to give me all the facts grim or otherwise, so i don't let thing run riot in my head). So we arrive, papparatzi in toe as ever (gary), witnessing a fairly violent altercation between unknown man and women in a car on the way, the joys of cardiff. As ever i am the youngest in the waiting room full of over fifties. I 'm directed off to the x-ray department, whoo more scans, bump in to dr tilsley on the way,(my onocologist) who is not very cheery, and falls short of his usual charming self. i'm the sent to take some clothes off, which makes me hugely suspicious, an mri scan prahaps?, ahh no sigh of relief, chest x-ray, adn a friendly looking machine "if you could just push your breasts against the metal plate" right ok, is that it. Very brief, very un invasive, nice change reaally. next i trop off for a consultation. But wait where is dr tilsley, oh no! (in batman stylecartoony graphics) junior doctor! dn dn durnnn. Seriously normally this isn't an issue for me, but i really like my onocologist and considering the last time he saw me i was depressed as all hell on morphine had no skin on the right side of my tummy and a weeping infection in the raw wound, you would think he would like to see how i'm doing. By this point its beginning to dawn on me that i am no longer a priority as i am techniquely no longer a cancer patient, which is well fair enough but they don't have to make it so damn obvious. So grumpy junior doctor who i had in the first three seconds formed a giant loathing for simply because shes not dr tilsley, informs me in a very off hand manner, that my x-ray was ok. What the fuck does ok mean, if a films ok, it means you didn't think its was good but it wasn't that bad eitheir, if some one says a meal is ok, we can conclude that it was pallatable but they're not recommending the resteraunt, so what pray tell does ok mean in the context of my x ray? Turns out it means it was fine, clear of cancer, nothing to see. I try and encourage a little postivity from the doctor, she seemssighting that it might just make people feel better, she doesn't really warm to the idea. She want to look at my scar, i pull up my t shirt, not really wanting to clamber on the bed, yes that looks fine. Again i feel cheated, does she even know what she looking at, its not fine its a bloody marvel compared to what it was. In short i left velindre feeling dismissed. It felt likei was there so they could tick a box, regarding follow up precedures, not to see how i was. And why is it so few doctors have any sense of compassion and empathy. She asked about my diarheorra but failed to address the issue of my state of mind. it felt like There was just a total disregard for everything i've just been through. Enough whinging b's back from school.
