Another of those moments, and a fag.

Yet again i found myself in tears randomly, well a bit randomly. Smoking. Yes, once upon a time I did smoke, on and off for a few years, this is never something i've denied. But this is not merely the rant of an ex-smoker(apparently we are the worst), but some one who knows just how shit it is to go through cancer, and you would think, my friends and family just having stood witness to the hell that was the big C, so to speak, would feel slightly inclined to cut down, or may I suggest have the consideration not to smoke around me, at least until the horror of the past five months has subsided somewhat, or god forbid, they could give up. You would think one of your best mates getting cancer would be motivation enough to stop pumping your body full of carcenegens. At one point I mentioned that if i won the lottery i would pay them to give up, this went down well, "oh i'll give up for a million quid" but not for your health?! I know i'm being unfair, I know its an addiction, I know some people find it harder to stop than others, I didn't find it hard, it just seems like when you pick up your baccy to make a rolly and see the words "SMOKING CAUSES LUNG CANCER" or "SMOKING IS HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH" and you think fuck it, never mind and smoke your cigarette any way, there is apart of you saying, it can't be that bad, cancers alright, nothing to worry about, in a strange way belittling everything a person with cancer has to struggle through. I am well aware i'm being far from rational, it just makes me cross. I'm not blaming the smokers of the world for my cancer, its true it could have a defective gene, a free radical, hot baths, to much red wine, car fumes, a dodgy pot noodle, almost anything, the list could go on forever. And yet why when something is clearly so bad, and not just for you for those around you, for your kids, for the enviroment, (i presume) just, WHY? Why smoke?