cancer blogs, and rich rust

I didn't realise i was one of many. A friend was looking for for my blog the other day and googled cancer's crap blog and numerous results appeared. Intruged i decided to foolow suit and have just discovered a whole world of cancer bloggers, admittedly some of these are related to medical sites or strange american companies pedalling health products but there are many people like me blogging abotu their own experience of cancer. I found one, which i will later create a link to (well, when chloe shows me how)that was heart wrenchingly moving and to my mind finominally brave. Rich Rust died of melonma cancer a year and a half ago leaving behind a very young daughter and pregnant wife, he blogged about his cancer and following his death his wife blogged about her grief. It is absolutly shattering to read. From reading a few lines and a very breif insight into who Rich Rust was,you know that he was brave, you know that he and his wife were very much in love, and you know that life cheated them. Cancer isn't just crap, its the biggest fucking bastard that ever there was. He writes casually and with humour, he has posted graphic images of his surgeries, not striking black and white shots like Gareth has done documenting my journey, colour snaps that should have laughing kids in them instead of brutal gut wrenching images of a man stapled up like frankenstien's monster. It's not fair, cancer is not fair. Cancer is indiscriminate in choosing its victims,it doesn't care it really doesn't give a fuck what kind of lifestyle you live, yes you are less likely to get lung cancer if you don't smoke but there's a million other types out there that can come knocking at your door. But its probably best not to smoke because then if you get cancer you have a whole heap of guilt to deal with as well. Rich's wife Deni asks don't they deserve a miracle? of course they do, it just doesn't work like that, thats one of the things that makes this so hard to deal with, the injustice of it all. Rich and Deni, you're so brave, but saying that sounds trite, and i know how hollow it sounds. When people tell me how brave they think i am,it just makes me think god you just don't fucking get it do you? its not about being brave its about getting up each morning and dealing with it, with the day to day monotony of having cancer,- appointments, kids, what to have for dinner, more appointments, hospital, kids, shopping, clean the house, don't think about it because if you do you think you might drown in your own despair, kids, more bloody appointments. You can't just stop when you get a diagnosis, everything carries on around you, and what else are you supposed to do but carry on? you can't stop swimming, you'll drown. Aside from Rich Rust i found another lady who was requesting evryones prayers and love in order to get her through her cancer, and it made me uncomfortable, but hey she is on the hardest journey and whatever gets you through the night.
When narrowing down the search i got a few search results for sarcoma blogs but none for fibromxyiod sarcomas, and in fact most cancer health sites don't have sarcoma info, let alone various types so prahaps i should use this space to educated people, it was the intial idea when starting this blog. To offer a little of the comfort i tried to find, by sharing my own experiences, which to a degree i've neglected to do. Tomorrow I will start at the beginning of my journey in the hope that my candid honesty will help some one else.