Un-fucking-believable
They cancelled my operation.
I went to sleep last night crying missing my children so much it was tearing my heart out.
I woke up this morning engorged because I hadn’t fed the baby for 12 or more hours.
Still tearful, Still terrified.
I didn’t eat
I took my last sip of water at 6 am
Nil by mouth.
Exspressed some milk,
Got showered
Put on my paper pants and gown,
THE TERROR OF THE IMPENDING ORDEAL STILL MOUNTING.
I had an injection in my stomach to thin my blood and that stung like shit.
Bordering on hysteria as the clock ticked toward 10 I was advised to have a pre med.
20mg of tamazipan, eventually felt a lot better.
I remembered how much I enjoyed recreational drug use.
Told surgery was running late, I’d be there perhaps 12:30.
Slightly calmer, no a lot calmer, I fell asleep in my husband’s arms.
I was still scared, but fairly secure with the fact I was going to wake up from the general anaesthetic, the sky was no longer black.
My moment of relief was within reach, the burden of having cancer was almost lifted.
I woke up, and whent for what must have been my forty-something pee of the day,
upon my return a very lovely nurse was telling my mother, husband and Nicola,
That my operation had been cancelled.
I’m 22 years old
I have two small children,
I have been pissed around by the fucking National Supposed “Health” Service enough.
When I found this lump it measured around 4cm
It now (6 months on) measures 9.5cm.
I have cancer and I would like to for just five minutes be somebody’s priority.
My fault is not with the staff
Although Dr A,
I’m stating for the record
YOU SCREWED UP,
It’s not hard to flick a switch on an ultrasound machine
To establish whether or not something has a blood flow.
But the bureaucracy of it and administration system screws people around
IT’S NOT FAIR.
It feels as though time and time again I’ve drawn the short straw
You can’t tell someone their fine for months,
Dismiss their concerns out of hand,
And then when little by little you relay to the them
That they are in fact living through they’re worst nightmare
Take away their salvation.
I’m so ANGRY
I’VE GOT CANCER FOR FUCKSAKE.
I’m coping just, but I’m not strong
And I don’t know how much more I can take.
I have to keep fighting this fight,
I’m ready to go in to battle
But no one will let me.
I feel cheated.
Yes it’s not fair that I’ve got cancer,
Of everyone I know,
Not that I would wish this on anyone else,
I’m the only one with kids.
But what is even more unfair is that I’m left hanging in this torturous limbo.
I went to sleep last night crying missing my children so much it was tearing my heart out.
I woke up this morning engorged because I hadn’t fed the baby for 12 or more hours.
Still tearful, Still terrified.
I didn’t eat
I took my last sip of water at 6 am
Nil by mouth.
Exspressed some milk,
Got showered
Put on my paper pants and gown,
THE TERROR OF THE IMPENDING ORDEAL STILL MOUNTING.
I had an injection in my stomach to thin my blood and that stung like shit.
Bordering on hysteria as the clock ticked toward 10 I was advised to have a pre med.
20mg of tamazipan, eventually felt a lot better.
I remembered how much I enjoyed recreational drug use.
Told surgery was running late, I’d be there perhaps 12:30.
Slightly calmer, no a lot calmer, I fell asleep in my husband’s arms.
I was still scared, but fairly secure with the fact I was going to wake up from the general anaesthetic, the sky was no longer black.
My moment of relief was within reach, the burden of having cancer was almost lifted.
I woke up, and whent for what must have been my forty-something pee of the day,
upon my return a very lovely nurse was telling my mother, husband and Nicola,
That my operation had been cancelled.
I’m 22 years old
I have two small children,
I have been pissed around by the fucking National Supposed “Health” Service enough.
When I found this lump it measured around 4cm
It now (6 months on) measures 9.5cm.
I have cancer and I would like to for just five minutes be somebody’s priority.
My fault is not with the staff
Although Dr A,
I’m stating for the record
YOU SCREWED UP,
It’s not hard to flick a switch on an ultrasound machine
To establish whether or not something has a blood flow.
But the bureaucracy of it and administration system screws people around
IT’S NOT FAIR.
It feels as though time and time again I’ve drawn the short straw
You can’t tell someone their fine for months,
Dismiss their concerns out of hand,
And then when little by little you relay to the them
That they are in fact living through they’re worst nightmare
Take away their salvation.
I’m so ANGRY
I’VE GOT CANCER FOR FUCKSAKE.
I’m coping just, but I’m not strong
And I don’t know how much more I can take.
I have to keep fighting this fight,
I’m ready to go in to battle
But no one will let me.
I feel cheated.
Yes it’s not fair that I’ve got cancer,
Of everyone I know,
Not that I would wish this on anyone else,
I’m the only one with kids.
But what is even more unfair is that I’m left hanging in this torturous limbo.
posted by Lorna at 8:19 PM
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